Swashbuckler Skirmish

The event has ended.

The event ended on Dec. 4, 2022, 10 p.m. UTC.

1st

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...wait, you mean the other type of piracy. Nevermind. I have to rewrite the entire script now, are you happy? All this effort, gone to waste. Back to the show now...

*ahem*

As much as I'd like to pretend this is the middle of a streaking hot summer, it appears one (or more) of us were caught by the fellows that glow.
This unfortunately caused quite the delay in progressing our development of fun, internet-based videogame modding. Fortunately, they never did find out where we kept the decryption keys for the "graphics card blueprints".
Without the gracious assistance of the (many members) of the Merchant's Guild likely be at the mercy of a suspiciously overweight Hispanic screaming about wrestling matches and "divegrass", whatever that was all about.
While escaping from said hispanic gentleman of dubious intentions, we were stuck on a raft off the coast of places unknown. While stuck on a raft of questionable craft quality (and overdosing on enough horse tranquiliser to kill a man outright), we had an amazing idea for an event: what if piracy was a real life thing? Let's theme something around it.
Featuring:

Swashbucker Skirmish

Now with roughly as many hovertext secrets as the last good thing we ever shat out, vomit-inducing terrible gags and jokes for you to make fun of the administrators for putting on your screen!

Mann in the Machine

Robots are fairly cool. At least, when they're not wrangled by your average discord user. They are also fairly cool to fight against, and also a good way to vent some stress. It's a title that is truly strange: it counts your wins. It's cool. You want more? Too bad. Go earn it.

The next person to make an amongus joke is losing their gonad privileges. In Roblox.

Bounties

Some days it feels like you're playing like shit, and on some days you really are just playing like shit. Some days it just feels like the server itself just really hates you. Well, now we're making that into a virtually-tangible reality: You (or another unlucky player) can (and will) be picked at random as a target for another player. "For what?" you ask.
The answer: to engage in mortal combat, and fight for ownership over some virtual shekels and trinkets. (Do we really need a grand reason?)

So, what assorted selection of fine quality do we have for you this time? Take a look below. Just try not to breathe in the fumes for too long. The last thing we need is another claim against our workplace insurance.

Skins (sort of)

Has looking old ever been desirable? The shady company that supplied us with a bunch of these rusty boxes told us so. They also told us that people like wearing skins. Unfortunately, while we can't create a new breed of skinwalker, we can give you these truly original and creative wearable skins to live out your long lost desire to be someone other than yourself. Just remember, when it comes to both skinwalkers and bioluminescent federal agents, you run 'em over. That's what you do.

Profile Rewards!

Who needs badges this time around? What if... we forced our crew of unpaid volunteers to inject smack into their eyeballs, and dredge up only the most dazzling and original designs for you to use for 10 minutes and then never again?

If you're lucky enough (or if you're spending countless hours in a dress-up simulator with a shooter minigame), you might get one of these unique items to beautify your own profile page. Who knows, you might even use it for 15 minutes instead of 10, and that's a win in our book.

Profile Shop!

Deck out your profile with something to catch the eyes of passers-by, mainly to shill your classified listings. Why else would you want a non-in server item?

New Coins!

What if we had a way to legalise team-based griefing in such a way that, not only was it "fair and balanced", but also insanely profitable? What if said method was also vaguely effective, with no real way to know if your irresponsible spending habits unless you kept spending? Fret no more. You have a gracious variety of two choices; to boost your own team or debuff the leaders. At a cost, of course. Now pay up.

20 BP