Banner for Phoenix Rising, a 2019 Red Sun Over Paradise event

Winter is supposed to be a time where you huddle around the fireplace with hot cocoa and marshmallows, while the cold outside world passes you by. Not here, however. We couldn't afford a fireplace. Or a fire, for that matter (we don't have fire insurance, not after what happened with those spy mains). So, we're doing the next best thing: grabbing a random filthy Casual player, dousing them in what I only can assume is a form of flammable liquid, and lightin' it up.

It's time for the Phoenix to rise again.

It's no secret that we've been overly silent over the past year or so. Some people blame this on our French cryptocurrency-based deities silencing us from beyond the great divide, others theorise that a certain Merchant's Guild™ that funds a niche entertainment reviewer of maximum melanin who goes by the name of Sseth had a hand in our inactivity, some claiming that the notorious serial killer Sam Hyde had violently murdered every single person who had anything to do with us, and a select few believed that the dev team was just too busy vigourously jerking it to images of unspeakable obscenity (said offenders have since been "thrown into the same fire as that random Casual pleb). No, we're not the reason most currencies "mysteriously" crashed. Trust us.
However, after cutting the shared internet subscription and emptying some bitcoin wallets, we've managed to piece together a fairly simple content update for the 3 people who still play these dead servers. Now you can also claim to have exclusive items, because there's literally no one else to claim them! Low playercount, ho!

So what do we have to offer?
We have two new crates that are entirely keyless meaning you don't need a corresponding key to unlock the contents inside. Both crates can be found as rewards from completing contracts, and later on will be available to purchase from the store, and as crafting rewards from unused items once we wrap things up.

  • Series 9: The Cremated Collection - contains a selection of previously unreleased items destined for the aformentioned trash fire, along with a new skin, and three new Unusual skin effects. What are they, you ask? Better find them to find out, because the two new effects also apply to older crates, too! More reasons to send money for my ever-growing figurine collection support us! O̸͢N̴͟L͜͠Y̸͟ ̶̸̷͘W͏͜H̡̡̀͢E̴͢͜͡͝N̛͟͝ ̷͝A̢͞L̶̡̛̕͢L̛͘͘ ̵̡́̕Į̛̀͘Ś̸̨̀̀ ̶̷̵̡͘M̡I҉̸̸̧͢N̴̡͡E҉͘͜ ̸̸̡̕͜W̶Ì̧͘L̷͟Ĺ̛ ̢́͟͏̴I̵͘͏ ̴̡̢̕͠R̵̛͟E̵͜͝S̢͏Ţ̵͟҉
  • Series 10: The Turtle Collection features a small handful of items curated by one of our most well known mappers, Alex Turtle. He's made some famous, well known maps originally intended for our servers (now shared generously because none of us want to deal with screaming kiddies, they're your job now) and thus he threatened to make something more feared than the flowey map lest he get his own crate.
  • MORE FUCKING CONTRACTS™ - More info below, where you're sure to sigh in resignation of having to play that mode you don't like.

Before you scroll on below, there is one more thing you should know that we're adding, and that is server seeding.
Whenever there is an empty server, it'll turn on seed mode, which allows players to join and populate the server in the hopes of encouraging players to join. Once the server is fully populated, those in the initial seeding group have a chance at either some BP, or an item drop. Again, it's simple, but we all hope that it gives both new players and old the incentive to play more and get more worthless digital items, because who doesn't like digital items?

Anyway, we need to get more fuel for the fire, so if you happen to know anyone who does not enjoy fire, or this community, tell them there's a free Burning Team Captain in that fire. Make sure to get the jug of strange viscous flammable liquid a questionable bodybuilder left.
...oh God, I really hope that "semen arsonist" nickname that guy had was just a joke.

New Game Mode!

Instagib

GIT GUD YOU FUCKING LOSER
Ever wanted to play Quake in Team Fortress 2? Me neither! Now presenting I Can't Believe It's Not Quake™, an instagib mode that plays somewhat like the olden days of FPS.
Made by Haxton Sale (an ex-dev, he is a cool guy), it's one of the modes we've hosted that the comp community really seems to like. If you want to get your hands on this mode, the source code can be found here.

Returning Game Mode!

GunGame

You get a gun! And you get a gun! So do you! EVERYONE GETS GUNS!
Once upon a time, there was a mode with guns. A lot of guns. Unfortunately, it was unplayable because it lagged so hard it distorted the local spacetime fabric. However, that is longer a worry, as space no longer exists. Now, you too can enjoy the freedom of having too many guns once again.
(Re)developed by one of the people working on the Parkour Fortress redux known as Screwdriver, You can find the source code for this mod here.

New Game Mode!

TF:GO

...no, you can't fuck about in matchmaking and taze people here. You can, however, scream various Russian obscenities on mic and trade keys, though.
Some would arguably call this the "lesser" Counter-Strike experience, and they'd be right. Half the players aren't even rushing B, and there aren't even any chickens to slaughter with a Negev!
Developed by Mikusch, you can find the source code here.

Rewards

Earn keyless crates!
Put countless hours of effort/farming for a reward of a few bytes somewhere on a database!

Flammable Supply Crate #9: Cremated Collection
This crate has a chance of containing the following items:
Flammable Supply Crate #10: The Turtle Collection
This crate has a chance of containing the following items:

Contracts

OH FUCK NOT THESE AGAIN
By now you should know what a contract is. Should you not, there's a nice explanation below.

Once you grab a Contract Pass, you'll get 3 random tasks to complete, with a keyless crate waiting at the end of each task. There's a number of contracts to get through, however you're not obliged to complete all of your contracts.
As we want people to try out every gamemode, we've not included contract rerolls for now. Should we be able to work on a system that includes the best of both (allowing rerolls but also encouraging players to check out modes they may not like), it may be a possibility for the future.

You do not have an active contract pass

FLAMMABLE CONTRACT PASS
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Event credits. Art by RatX and item creators on the forums. Web by unitgon, Tohru Adachi and Mikusch. Plugins by 42 and Tohru Adachi.
Lastly, thanks to you for volunteering to be doused in combustible cum and to be burnt to a crisp. Crunch crunch.